Massive Wieners – Prahran

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The amount of sexual innuendos that is revolving inside my mind is more than enough to fill a book devoted entirely to the classic American processed meat stick. It’s 37 degrees celsius and the tarmac is smoldering from the Australian Sun. An increasingly common occurrence in a city that is infamous for bi-polar weather.. yes, we do have 4 seasons in one day (#proud). Our original destination wasn’t filling our bodies up with protruding meat poles with steamy buns but battling the hot weather with ramen (We’re the modern day Evel Knievals, I know).

Call it a stroke of luck or perhaps a higher being was guiding us down towards the righteous path of skin tight wienies with squirts of tomato sauce and mustard? As popular as the burger craze is right now, I still have love for the alluring smell of sausage sizzles outside my local Bunnings or those artery clogging cheese Kransky’s at Laverton market. When a place is called, ‘Massive Wieners’ – how does one simply walk past and not sit down for a dog?

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Massive disco fries (w/ gravy, cheese & onion) – $10
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12″ Massive wiener (w/ ketchup, mustard, cheese, onion and chilli extra bacon) – $11

Liam, the owner, has been dishing out American wieners massive and small to the general public of Fitzroy for the last 5 years.Β  On this occasion, I wasn’t feeling a massive wiener (12″) and opted for the little pecker (3″) instead. The wieners here remind me of the typical dog that I got when I was a wee kid in Primary school with a soggy bun and hands all sticky from overzealous saucers. Not here though, the buns are steamed (as you would) and all the toppings are placed strategically so you’re not needing napkins after every bite.

Highlights:

  • Disco fries – fries, cheese and gravy. Seriously, what’s not to love? The onions do a great job of cutting through some of rich gravy
  • The wieners are delicious and toppings work together but would’ve been on another level with a snappier wiener
  • SCHWANZ! Scroll down for picture. (#ilovehim)

Not-quite-highlights:

  • Don’t come here expecting the wieners with snap, these dogs are skinless
  • Disco fries get soggy quickly, so eat fast!

I wish Massive Wieners were in my neck of the woods because sometimes I just want an unpretentious wiener that isn’t in a brioche bun with kewpie mayo and truffles layered in edible gold. I will be back!

3.5 moustaches out of 5!

Massive Wieners Menu, Reviews, Photos, Location and Info - Zomato

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Schwanz is the name. Don’t look up what his name translate to. You’ve been warned. I still love him though.

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